05/28/24
More than a decade ago, Dandan and I were in his room dreaming about going to college together.
I knew I wouldn’t be able to afford it.
But I dreamt anyway.
My parents were always concerned about me dreaming too much.
They didn’t want me to get hurt by the misaligned expectations of hopes and reality.
I dreamt anyway.
Because of that I always figured out a way to live my dreams in one way or another.
I remember Dandan and I were watching this lipdub video of UBC where college students were dancing and singing to silly songs.
I remember the jealously mixed with pride & happiness that I felt knowing my best friend was going to that school even if he was just about to apply.
I just knew he’d get in and be able to live that dream.
I knew I wouldn’t be able to do so so I dreamt instead.
Because I was a angsty teenager who didn't want to deal with his emotions, I told Dandan we should do a lipdub in Xavier - the things men do to avoid talk therapy.
It would be crazy and meaningless but it would be fun. We’d enjoy and laugh about it.
I made up all these fake excuses around school pride, learning how to brand, and paying back the school for everything it has done for us.
There was a shred of truth to it, of course.
But what it really was - was a selfish dream.
Pure selfish hubris of a kid who wanted his best friend to remember him.
A dream I wanted to share with all my friends studying abroad.
A dream I wanted to share with all my brothers who I grew up with for 13 years.
A dream of living the “college life” i wouldn’t have with my best friends.
A dream of being remembered by my friends before I get stuck in manila.
“Hey we get to a do lipdub too before we go our separate ways!”
I obsessed over the Xavier Lip Dub (Xdub). It was all I did for 3 months.
I bulldozed everyone who got in my way.
I twisted the arms of teachers and students with my relentless love & energy.
I didn’t study and barely ate.
I barely passed my final exams. I ran on 2 bottles of c2 a day
I went to each fucking class and rallied everyone around it.
I forced all the club, varsity, and committee heads.
I sold the shit out of it.
I went to each fucking classroom and convinced hundreds of lazy & unmotivated boys to show up on their first day of summer to sing and dance to silly songs.
I told them it’d be cool. It’d be fun. It’s better than the alternative - boredom.
I started to believe the sales talk of school spirit & legacy building myself.
It went from a selfish dream to our exciting dream.
It went from a silly idea to a shared mission.
There are too many people to thank from Dandan Ng, Jeremie Go, Edsel Uy, Niko Tiutan, Enrique Ferrer, Erwin Chua, Driggs, Myles Chuahiock, Micheal Lopez Chino Innocencio, Elijah Go Tian, Luis Gan, Zach Haw, Ms Acque, and everyone who simply showed up.
We made a stupid dream of two best friends thinking about college into a fun shared memory of thousands of students.
It was fun. It was stupid. It was pointless.
I smile every time i remember it or when someone brings it up.
I’m glad that grand schemes of action and energy are my outlet for my emotions instead of talk.
X Dub gave many of us in the organizing group the confidence that we could live our dreams in our own way.
Happy birthday Dandan ! That one was for you!
To more stupid dreams and fun memories!