Owning my truth in public. A public vow to never fear burnout.
I am obsessive and intense.
I give all of myself. I don’t hold back.
I radiate positivity, kindness, and optimism intensely.
I believe in myself, my wife, my family, and my team always.
That no matter the odds and the situation, we can find a way. Always.
I serve with my blood, sweat, and tears.
Until I didn’t.
I’m the guy who locked himself in a 25 sqm apartment for a year and a half without wifi (!!) so he could read books. So he could focus on self-improvement and the work.
I’m the guy who didn't get the product job in 2014 and was banished to growth and marketing so I begged with kindness, action, and urgency for 3 months!
Every day I wasn't only knocking, I was pleading so I could have an opportunity to work and learn from masters. I begged for mastery at all costs.
I’m the guy who gave all of his salary to part-time engineers to build startups. I was broke for years.
I humbled myself. I groveled. I ate scraps of my First Circle coworkers who were kind enough to share their salmon because I was starving after a full day of work.
All the money I had went to living expenses, books, and salaries. As a kid who grew up in privilege, I've never felt that level of shame my whole life.
I’m the guy who said no to every social invitation even if I wanted to go.
I'm the guy who ghosted my close friends, Xavier brothers - comrades I love dearly but could not understand the intensity, the obsession.
I’m the guy who deleted Facebook forever in 2017.
People asked me if I was crazy, how will people find me in the Philippines, they asked? I laughed and said I’ll chase after me first! They’ll find me!
But after 10 years of intensity, I burned out.
I spent 6 months ending work at 6 am & sleeping 9am to get Expedock sales off the ground. By the time I woke up at 1 pm, there were fires across the Expedock Empire. I didn’t even have time to eat and cook for myself.
I was a product guy who took on sales because I had to. It wasn’t something I knew how to do and loved but I wanted to win so bad. so fucking bad. I still do.
I barely had the chance to talk and see my wife (then fianceé) because of my sleep schedule. Because of the rhythm of my obsessive intensity.
I burnt out. One morning after a decade of intensity, focus, love, warmth, and obsession, I was afraid to work the way I do.
I was afraid to give it my all. I was afraid to be the guy who won the day at all personal costs.
I raised my hand and asked for less responsibility.
I removed sales and marketing from my plate. I kept on product and design.
I picked myself back up and went back to work but there was a simmering fear.
I still work more than most humans.
But I was afraid to burn out again. I didn’t give all of myself to the work and my team. I didn't use all my power to win the day.
I lied to myself and told myself It was a marathon, not a forever sprint.
I "paced" myself like the gurus told me to. I tried to be a normal human. I started seeing friends. I took time off for my wedding and honeymoon. I slept an hour longer. I got active and ate full meals. I spent more time with my wife & family.
I was humbled by defeat. The internal defeat of raising my hand for less responsibility, for less fires.
I was Icarus who had flown too high, who had burned too intensely.
I told myself I was recovering but my demons were restless.
I couldn’t relate to normal people at all. I tried their hobbies and clothes but they didn’t enjoy their work, they gossiped instead.
The talk was meaningless chatter, it wasn't inspiring.
They spent most of their time hating on others. I was silently confused.
They don’t laugh while facing down their demons. They’re afraid of everything - themselves mostly!
They don’t dance in the storms like I do. They’re afraid of the fires at work and life. They’re afraid of the unknown dangers ahead.
They helped me finally accept I’m a weirdo.
I’m owning my truth in public.
I am vowing publicly never to fear burnout again.
Because even if I do burn out, I’ll laugh and pick myself up again through sheer mental fortitude. Through sheer internal willpower.
I know I can because I've done it and because I am loved and love others in return.
I’m grateful for the opportunity to dance in the storm.
I run towards the fire with a huge demonic grin.
I consume it with kindness, love, and intensity.
I love evolving every day. I love the effort. I love the attempt. I love the sweat. I love the waves crashing into me. I love the creative destruction of ceilings, roadblocks, and walls. I love the pressure and the stress.
I even love the failing after giving it your all.
I am Icarus
But
I am Icarus who loves the burn
I am Icarus who loves my wife, family, friends, and team intensely
I am Icarus who gives others wings.
I am Icarus who carries others close to the sky.
I am Icarus who fails and laughs about it.
Over the weekend, I introspected and asked why was burnout so scary? Why was it so scary to fail after giving it my all in front of others?
My personal life is full of love and kindness and I know I have the willpower to pick myself up even if I burn out again, and I know I can always try again.
So why was I afraid to fail in front of my team and the public after giving it my best? I will never truly know. I just decided not to anymore.
This is a vow to never NOT give all of me for fear of burnout.
To fear burnout is to waste my potential. To fear burnout is to waste my gift. To fear burnout is to let my wife, family, and team down.
To fear burnout is to bitch about my opportunity. And I don't complain. I serve with blood, sweat, and tears. I serve with actions, results, and urgency.
To fear burnout is to lie to myself that I am not the sun itself that radiates love and intensity.
I serve with all of me. I burn with intensity.
I own my truth now.
I will fail in public but I know others will never even try. That gives me courage.
And for me, giving it my all is a win. That is true conquest. That is my silent victory. That is why I smile.
I carry many rocks as I fly towards the sun of the best version of myself.
I am a husband, a leader, an eldest brother, a son, and a future father.
Many lives depend on me.
The weight of my decisions and actions is heavy.
All of the people along my journey know that I do it all with radiating kindness, obsessive intensity, love, and a big fucking smile.
Hello world,
I am Sisyphus with a smile.
I am Icarus who loves the burn.
Edited a few weeks later I’m experiencing an Odyssey as Prometheus
I’m becoming Daedalus forging real wings.
And I have always been a Roman amongst Greeks
This was originally posted as a Linkedin article: https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7194573389938712576/