Thank you to everyone who supported my first post last Friday about my vow to no longer fear burnout.
I didn't expect that it would resonate with so many.
For me, It was simply a battlecry into the void that I am Sisyphus who Smiles and Icarus who loves the burn.
To emphasize to younger entrepreneurs, it's important to manage yourself. You need to stay active & healthy. But at the same time, you don't need to worry as much if you didn't get your sunlight, sauna, and supplements today.
What I wanted to shout into the void is that I have courage to give it my all again.
I will face the potential for defeat head on. It was a test of courage for me to publish.
As a frustrated novelist, clicking publish was one of the most nerve wrecking things I've done in my life.
It's scarier than launching and scaling a product, selling to customers, raising money from investors, or talking with angry customers!
The fear of burnout was my final fear as a professional and I knew that the only way I could overcome it was to shout it into the serious, judgemental, and potentially career damaging world of Linkedin.
I decided to do this because for the first time in my life the stakes were finally real for me.
At 28 years old, I never truly felt fear until I got married to my wife, Dianne, and became a future father to our son, Damien.
Failure was something that bothered me because I could potentially not be able to provide for the lives depending on me.
This fear coupled with the fear of livelihoods of your friends & team members lost as a result of your decisions can be heavy.
I'm responsible for product strategy and by extension company strategy in a Series A startup.
My bets are ultimately responsible for the lives of people - what they work on and whether or not we make it through the storm.
I believe that only sociopaths wouldn't feel fear while carrying the crown. It's normal to feel the fear. It's okay. What's not okay for me is to give into the fear.
At least 30+ young entrepreneurs reached out to me over the weekend alongside a groundswell from my peer group of founders that what I wrote helped them gain a new perspective on their own hero's journey, their own struggle.
I had young entrepreneurs coming up to me last Friday a few hours after the post in our Expedock team dinner shouting: "I'm Icarus who loves the burn too!" and "I'm Sisyphus with a smile too!".
I got a lot of questions but the common theme of the questions was:
"I resonate with this but what's the process to help me stay on course? How do I summon courage & willpower when it gets really dark and heavy?"
Expedock is still in full swing so I literally don't have the time to answer everyone's messages and so with your understanding forgiveness, I will have to do a 1 to many approach.
If I don't answer you, it's because I have to take care of my new family and my team as my number 1 priority.
I don't want to be a thought leader nor do I want to build a personal brand.
What I wrote comes from my authentic self (i was hoping to be ignored in the void) and what I'm about to write is my way of paying it forward. I promised my mentor, Kai Elmer Sotto, that I would pay his kindness forward. He changed the course of my life 11 years ago.
Many more people helped me along my hero's journey and I recognize that I am now in a position to give others courage & wings as well, so here is another shout into the void.
No drafts, no edits, just conscious stream of writing!
To my fellow Sisyphuses with smiles & Icari who loves burning,
Beyond the Andrew Huberman, Joe Rogan, and Tim Ferris approaches to self improvement of cold dips, saunas, meditation, journaling, good sleep, and exercise - what else can we do together to level up?
What else can we do to stay on the path of becoming the best (version of ourselves)?
Here's what I'm trying out.
MY UPDATED PROCESS:
CAPTURE THE ESSENSE OF THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF IN ART & WRITING
Premise: You have multiple identities as a person. Who you are today or at any given moment is a result of stories you tell yourself.
- Whenever you feel you got it - the best version of yourself. Capture it in writing.
- Write down the memories and self talk that helps create and actively shape that identity.
- Then create a piece of art (I make paintings on midjourney / chatgpt alongside a remix of music i like then edit them for self consumption) to associate those memories and self talk to that image.
- Make sure those images are readily available to you.
- Print the image out and post them around your physical environment (home, office, everywhere!) and also make sure it’s available in the digital universe (Phone, Laptop, Socials, etc).
- Create fucking slogans - personal catchphrases that summon all of it through mere personal association. Brand yourself in your mind in that chosen identity.
- Create a playlist for this version of yourself. Mine is built on the Drake vs Kendrick rap war.
- The next level is to tell everyone that’s you. Don’t be afraid. Create a spell. Cast the unbreakable vow (publish). Hypnotize yourself. Stay on the path.
That's it. I'm using a lollapalooza of psychological tendencies (from Psychology of Human Misjudgement Charlie Munger) that we use to sell products, stories, visions to others on myself.
Two simple examples of this usage are:
- Influence-from-Mere-Association Tendency - I'm associating images with essays, journal entries, and self talk so that when I see those images in my physical & digital environments I remember to to stay within the identity of someone striving to be the best version of themselves.
- Inconsistency avoidance tendency - the images help me stay consistent with that identity. Telling all my friends and strangers helps me stay consistent.
This is probably not a new insight in the world (I guess that's probably why other people have tattoos), this is simply a rediscovering on my own. A verbalizing of a subconscious process since I started out on this journey, if you will.
You can stop reading here. This is it.
You get 99% of the value above this line. No need to go further. Only the crazy ones will want to know the remainding 1% - the madness and the process that led to this rediscovering of this insight.
For the Sisyphuses and Icari who want to understand how I got here, here's the process I had to get to the insight:
People think I was going crazy while I posting these journal entries & works of art.
I want to reassure everyone that there is a method to the madness.
Here's a peak into my mind.
I was in flow for 90 days and wanted to stay in that state. I didn't want to lose that version of myself. I wanted to capture it somehow.
As a non-artist for 11 years, I turned to writing and art (with the help of an army of AI tools). I don't know why. I just gravitated towards it.
Pure fucking intuition that I'm reflecting on right now as I write.
Here are my public journal entries that I posted online:
Day 1 - 05/01/24 - Capture the feeling with Art
https://www.instagram.com/p/C6eKxNZvNk4/
I’ve been in flow at work and life for the last 90 days and I started hitting a new level of intensity & focus with the release of Kanye’s Like That Remix.
The song literally gave me the image of a Rap God (Kanye) descending down from the heavens to hunt down at the bottom to show Kendrick Lamar and Drake that all the best elements in their songs are subservient to his divine technical mastery of the art.
I started making art to capture, express, and most importantly remember the feeling of intensity & radiating optimism I was embodying.
I’m creating art to maintain the same level and frequency of flow, energy, and positivity I’ve been vibrating on for the last year. I’m using art to maintain my hold on the source of flow and energy. I don’t want to lose it and always want to get back to this version of myself.
And I want to do it in public to not only hold me accountable to the process of creation but also so that I can hold myself accountable to embody intensity surrounded by radiating love and kindness.
Commentary: I was laughing so hard when I heard this song. The audacity of it was contagious. I remembered I had a kanye in me too.
Day 2 - 05/02/24 - Capture the identity with Art:
https://www.instagram.com/p/C6jk25fvz8Y/
05/02/24 - Jig Young - Self Portrait Series #1. The prince of shadows. The seed.
I’ve never resonated with a painting so much in my life.I’ve had this image in me for a long time. I could never capture it. Never express it until today.
This is my first self-portrait.
A young prince holding a gun. Ready for action. He wears a devilish crown as he walks boldly into the golden sun with a sense of radiating optimism about life & world.
He’s seen leaving behind his empire but he never leaves it.
It’s always there. It’s his shadow. The demons he’s conquered.
Sometimes, he’s seen reflecting and staring down his demons. Sometimes he’s walking towards the sun. It’s hard to tell. He’s doing both.
This painting captures the essence of inner darkness & demons that live inside me.
I conquered the darkness by merging into the brightness of color - by having a sense of radiating optimism about life and the world.
This is the same seed I’ll be nurturing & exploring for all the other derivative works you’ll be seeing.
It will follow the same style: a dark (human shape) as he descends down from the heavens to hunt down at the bottom with his shadow reflected in a sea of paint. Notice the shadows. Notice the power that we locked away.
05/02/24 Self Portrait Series #2 - I am Sisyphus with a smile - Jig Young
https://www.instagram.com/p/C6jeerWPRUZ/
I’m summoning back the inner demons I’ve conquered. The darkness I thought I’ve vanquished years ago.I’m putting them to work for this period in my life.
The intensity. The focus. The obsession.The daily taming and vanquishing of the darkness and the devil that lives inside of me is Gods work.
I know I can handle them now with effortless ease because of the love and kindness I’m surrounded with.
On remembering why I went back to school after "dropping out" for a year and a half.
I never wanted to return to college so I could just focus and do 1 thing - build tech startups. Angrily, my mom told that if I was really good I could do both.
“Pag magaling ka talaga kaya mo pagsabayin”
Both school and entrepreneurship.
I told her it was harder to do both. That it was impossible.
My parents have never asked me to be anyone or do anything I didn’t want to do except finish school. I gave it to them.
I removed their fears and anxieties about my future in a single stroke. I said thank you for life.
But what my mom said was true.
I can do both.
I did do both.
I met the love of my life, Dianne, by doing both.
I worked double time.I’m always doing both.
I am BOTH obsessed at work and loving of my wife and my life.
It’s harder.
For others even impossible.
The advice that you do work first then love later is for the mids. It’s for the lonely and depressed champions. For the kings of the back office. It’s for the paper pushers, excel jockeys, and slide masters.
It’s advice for those who defer their best life because they’re “preparing”. That’s not who I am.
I’m the happy and loving warrior in the arena.
Never truly winning. Never truly losing. Always fighting.
I’m Sisyphus with a smile.
I embrace the futility of it all with strength, love, and kindness.
Commentary on day 2: In the process of my hero's journey, I had to humble myself. I had to serve. In the process of becoming a husband and leader, I had to become egoless. And after my internal defeat in the previous post, I had lost my confidence. The self portrait helped me rebuild my ego. I had to shape my identity as well by saying who I am not.
I'm not here trying to offend anyone who is an excel jockey and slide master. I'm a Miro Master & Notion Nerd! :)
05/03/24 - Jig Young
My super power is the ability to see people for who they are and more importantly who they can be. I see the potential for good. I’m not blind to the bad. I see the ability to change.
I see myself.
https://www.instagram.com/p/C6jiJNcPk77/
From May 4 to 5, I entered a period of intense journaling & art creation.
I wrote my life story from the POV of the best version of myself.
Then I went ahead and shared my life story and my truths.
The art is no good yet. I don't expect to gain a following over a weekend.
I was shouting into the void to build my ego up again. What mattered was I gave all of myself in the art so I could give all of myself in the work.
I created 10 pieces over a weekend and slept for 3 hours a day to prove to myself I still had the intensity, the creativity, the willpower, the vision, the ego, the hubris of Icarus.
I literally evolved over a weekend!
I merged the identity of my younger aggressive egotistical self with my mature and humble leader servant through sheer willpower, reflection, and creation.
And yes, I was sober the whole time. My wife can attest to this.
At 12 midnight on Sunday, I wrote this message and sent it to all my family & friends:
05/05/24 - the beginning of a forever sprint
I made art over the weekend. I challenged myself to dig deep within.
I wanted to summon my inner demons again. The darkness I thought I’d vanquished years ago.
And the only way I knew how to get to that place was to create.
I haven’t made anything meaningful outside of my work for myself for 11 years now. I was scared to enter this place, to unleash this part of me.
I hid my power for far too long. I tried to slow down. I tried to be normal. I tried to focus on the love and the kindness. I dimmed the intensity. the obsession. the focus.
If you’re thinking that I was intense, obsessed, and focused for the last 11 years - that was just a fraction of my power.
You haven’t seen anything yet. I went into myself and was able to play with my demons.
I was possessed. I was mad. I was crazy. I was focused. I was obsessed.
I cried while laughing. I laughed while crying.
I did it fully sober if you’re curious.
Dianne can attest to this. She saw the demons and she loved them anyway. Why was I so scared to show her this part of myself? She truly loves me unconditionally.
I realized my friends loved this guy long before I was light. Long before I was kind. It was fun to play with them. It was like reuniting with old friends.
I realized my shadow was always there with me each step of the way.
I was able to do this because I’m surrounded and protected with love.
I am loved by my wife, my parents, my brothers, my sisters, and you, my friend.
My light and love is strong enough to use my full power.
Now, I have full control. Now, I’m truly unstoppable. truly relentless.
I know I look crazy but it’s okay you’ll see it.
You’ll see my intensity, my obsession, my creativity, my love, and my kindness.
I’ve summoned back the inner demons I’ve conquered.
I’m putting them to work for this period in my life. The intensity. The focus. The obsession.
I know I can handle them now with effortless ease because of the love and kindness I’m surrounded with.
I slept for 3 hours a day for the last 2 days. I was excited to create. I didn’t eat. I didn’t notice the time.
I brought back the creative destruction.
I summoned back the darkness through sheer willpower, through sheer creation.
I became both. I am both. This is me.
If you want to know who I am as a person this is it.
I’m evolving but always the same.
I made 10 pieces to express
https://www.instagram.com/descendingdowntohunt/
- Who I love - my wife. She saved my soul. Everyone who knew me before Dianne knows that I was good but never great. Never truly kind to myself or others. Dianne gave me light. Dianne made me into light.
- Who I am (or at least who I try to be every day) so I can hold myself accountable to that version of myself - both the darkness and the light. The obsessed intensity and the radical love.
- Who I chase after - people I admire. People I respect. People who shaped me into who I am. They gave me important lessons whether they know it or not. I watched them and a part of them is in me.
- What I hate - what I don’t want to be. To be clear, I don’t hate people. I never did, never will. But I do hate ideas. I hate malice. I hate envy. I hate haters. I hate gossip. I hate incompetence. I hate never trying. I hate deferring. I hate not dreaming. I especially hate those who bring others down. I hate those who attack my family and friends. I will bite. I’m crazy. I’m back. I removed hate from myself for years because of Dianne’s love. I thought that hate was a bad thing. So I avoided it. I ignored it. I did everything I could to stamp it out. I meditated. I got active. I ignored people who gossip. I let fools talk. I ate well. I loved. But the darkness within me is a source of power that I need to use for this period of my life. I need all of my power to go where I’m going. The focus.The obsession. The intensity. The creativity. I need all my power to be the best. For years now, my inner demons have been restless. I thought they were vanquished, I merely conquered them. I merely tamed them. Well, I’m letting them out now.
To all my friends, my ask is to help me stay in the balance.
Never ask me to slow down, I won’t.
Ask me to be kinder. I will.
Ask me to love harder. I will.
I got this. You got this. We got this.
If you need me, I will be there.
To my loved ones who see the work and the hours that I do, you don’t have to worry about me.
I got this. I won’t burn out. I’m on fire. I am the fire.
I don’t need the same rest as you do. I need an outlet for demons. I need to be creative. I am both. Light and Darkness.
A Conqueror and a Creative.
I create to conquer. I conquer to create.
That's it.
This was the 5 day sojourn I had into the madness of the self.
5 days of reflection on my last 11 years as a budding technology startup entrepreneur.
I'm still so fucking far from where I want to go and that's why I always avoided posting, local meetups, and giving talks in conferences. I don't have the time for the beach either.
But I do want to help my fellow Sisyphuses and Icari
I'm still evolving and reflecting every day.
I have this image of a forever evolving Charizard to smybolize my duality -- both darkness and light but it's been busy. I'm moving houses. I'm starting a family. Expedock requires my full attention.
I'm literally writing this at 2:00 am before I go to bed after a full day's work. Forgive the typos and lack of structure.
I evolved into a completely new person in a weekend without drugs or alcohol - just pure introspection, writing, and art.
No cheating, I promise.
Just love, willpower, and the courage to reflect & share about my life.
Hope that helps someone!
Just 1 person served in the void is a success in my book!
Originally posted on Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/my-fellow-icari-sisyphuses-heres-updated-process-staying-jig-young-mcbzc/?trackingId=foTwmlViSeaT4z%2Bt%2FiBU3w%3D%3D
Update on Day
